A play… maybe on Greek mythology

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1207: A Christmas Party Odyssey

Act I 

Scene 1

Snow gently blankets Mount ‘Ville, under a bright winter’s moon. Nestled in the Land of High rests a palatial enclave called for centuries after Antonius, god of cheap liquor and bad hookups.

On this fateful night, festive music journeys out of the palace’s stately entrance of glass and iron, welcoming the giant gods of this territory to come and partake in the debauchery therein.

The god Zeus lords the entrance with his wreath of tokens to be doled out to all who pass his gauntlet.

Zeus
Who goes there? Who seeks to joy the amusement and revelry at my castle this eve?

Aphrodite
It is I, Aphrodite, adorned in my most revealing robes, joined for this festive night by Adonis, who all will adore for his devilishly handsome good looks, until his charm wilts under the haze of too many ciders and much cavorting amongst the other gods.

Zeus
And yet, I do adore him.

Aphrodite
Of that I am aware, my leader.

Zeus
Come and lay your soft lips upon my cheek and I shall award you each two tokens. They will grant you libations and cheer within.

Scene 2

The vast room of the merrymaking is filled to the brim with all of the gods and goddesses of ‘Ville sharing countless tables laid with glimmering candles and boughs of pine and holly. A great feast of cold cuts, pasta with red sauce, and brownie sundaes is underway.

Apollo
Say there, good sir, have the warriors returned from the battlefield this eve?

Ares
All but one, my lord. Darkoneus remains out surveying the land for opportunity. No doubt he will arrive momentarily with the soil of war still staining his robes.

Apollo
 As do all the best guardians of the Land of High! Commendable! My heart is with them; not here, bound in these silken adornments that Mania selects for my garb.

Ares
Ah, goddesses. Their spirit of madness will never be quelled.

Apollo
Indeed.

Scene 3

Zeus now stands at the center of the massive carousing, calling the room to attention and growing restless with the cacophonous crowd. After much time and bellowing, the gods and goddesses have turned towards Zeus and are prepared to honor his remarks.

Zeus
My, my, my… you all are no better than a bunch of wily Sirens, calling your amorous songs to each other from across the divide. How can you have such little respect for the most honored annual tradition in Mount ‘Ville? I call together the Hall of most distinguished gods of all the land!
 
I demand that Hermes, Hades, Poseidon, Apollo, and Ares join together with me on this fine stage. Tonight we welcome a new god to immortality!
 
With the greatest pleasure I have ever known, we call Adonis to the Hall! Adonis, come! Adonis! Adonis? For the love of gods, where in Hades Chamber is Adonis?

Adonis (Stumbling, burping.)
Here, here, my lord! Just finishing this last sip of cider from the till…

Zeus
Ah, Adonis! You fabulous lad. An absolute crime that it has taken so many seasons to welcome you to the Hall. My very life is complete with you here this glorious eve!

[Vociferous drunken cheers erupt.]

Scene 4

Riotous music plays Zeus off the stage, which is instantly filled with youthful gods and goddesses, who’ve now imbibed much drink and are filled with the earlier lust of the Sirens’ calls. Lively dancing and groping soon ensues.

Athena
Oh, Poseidon, you move like liquid to this glorious song!

Poseidon
Aphrodite, your womanly wantonness positively drips from your scantly clad figure. I wish to show you my manly trident. I believe you will find it most alluring.

Athena
Don’t stop believin’.

Poseidon
Hold on to that feelin’.

Act II

Scene 1

Aphrodite lies sprawled in an immense bed strewn violently with an assortment of pillows and coverings. Besides her lies Pandora’s Box, which is incessantly emitting high-pitched howls.

A defeated Aphrodite rolls over slowly to examine the box.

[Text from Hera]:
Holy shit. Can u believe that party?

[Text from Aphrodite]:
Can’t move my feet.

[Text from Hera]:
Seriously. Did u see who left together? OMZ.

[Text from Aphrodite]:
Gonna puke.

[Text from Hera]:
Epic.

FIN.

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